This is a post after 3 years!

It has been a long, long time.
Reading the blog makes me laughed... Laughing at silly things I went through
and silly things I wrote about.

For many people, blogging is a place to rant without anyone reading it.

For me, it's the same.
Hopefully after abandoning it for a very long time, nobody remembers this.
And me, I can write whatever I want, ignoring the thought that the content would be offensive... Or whether there's any grammatical mistakes.

Life's too short to care too much ;-)

Felt so much grown up now.
Looking back at life, for the past 26 years I've not achieved much,
but I've definitely learnt much.

My life is no ordinary- the journey is always harder than the rest.
Still, I hold on to my belief that every cloud has its silver lining.
And God has His plans for me (though till now, I'm not sure what it is :P)

Alright, if you so happen to read this (which I doubt so), say HELLOOOOO!

The lonely little girl

I'd love to work with animals

I find it so difficult to work with people. It's probably a better idea to work with animals. At least they don't give you so much unnecessary trouble. Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with the way I handle things? The problem could be myself. I don't know. I don't even know what I am talking about.

I hate being a substitute. I'm not a substitute OK!

Handicapped

Here I am, sitting in front of the monitor in my cubicle, thinking whether i should go for breakfast. HaHaha...

This morning, when I was trying to close my car's door, the keychain was stuck in between, and the 'boy' now is handicapped- hand-less and leg-less...

Prior to that incident, I've made a phone call which took me a lot of courage, however, in the end I was totally rejected...

I guess, God is trying to tell me to let go... Easier said than done, I know it's my choice to not let go, but I know eventually I'll have to...



Dear Father,
Please give me the wisdom and strength to go through this. It's probably one of the hardest thing I've done in my whole entire life, but I know with your guidance I'd be able to make it.

When a same mistake has been repeated over and over again, you'll reach a point where you don't feel guilty about it anymore. You would not know whether what you're doing is wrong or right (actually you do know it's wrong), and it scares you when you're not feeling guilty about commiting the 'crime'- like how you used to feel.

For you, on Valentine's Day

Here I am playing with those memories again, and just when I thought time had set me free, those thoughts of you keep taunting me.
Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew, though each and every part of me has tried.
Only you can fill that space inside- so there's no sense pretending, my heart it's not mending.

Just when I thought I was over you, and just when I thought I could stand on my own,
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through- and I just can't go on without you.
On my own I've tried to make the best of it alone- I've done everything I can to ease the pain but only you can stop the rain...





I just can't live without you, I miss everything about you...

I hate this part

Do you know someone- whom you know you cannot meet, because once you met him, you just can't stop thinking about him?

I know someone who gives me that kind of feeling. And I hate this feeling.

Fugly me

I am pretty sure we all had times when everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Having insomnia lately- which is really not 'my disease' (because I'm truly a pig). A colleague of mine actually started calling me "zombie", ouch...

Work is beginning to suck lately- as much as I tried to stay/pretend positive, I guess there is a limitation somehow... Given a new task is challenging, unfortunately it turns out to be something which I stress about a lot. The new task makes me feel incompetent, inefficient, ineffective, incapable etc etc. Which I think is wrong- given my position as a trainee, to be given an opportunity like this, I am considered lucky. Besides, I am also given the chance to learn from a very experienced senior, which is supposed to be motivating but it turns out to be the opposite... and I have no idea whether it is right to feel this way... Sigh. enough of complaining.

And I dislike one particular colleague! o.O"

And I just realised that putting too much make up on makes u look really, really ugly and scary... :(

And I'm disgusted with myself. Urgh.

Wedding dinner: A cartoon

Someone was extremely bored while waiting for a wedding dinner to start, so he begin texting me...

MMS # 1: "Gift from the hosts..."

MMS # 2: "Gift for my friend and I- combined."

MMS # 3: "Hahah... I guess I'm too free..."

MMS # 4: "New member- Stole another gift from the empty seat beside us."

For some odd reason, I find it adorable. I miss him.

I miss...

Truthfully, I miss my unscarred leg. It has been a month, and the scar is still visible. Some might tell me that it is not visible (which I know is untrue), but I still need some time to accept a new "tattoo" on my leg. Sigh. I never knew how much this will impact me. I thought I'll be OK with it but somehow, it lowers my self-esteem. Hate to admit something my colleague once told me- "For a girl to have a scar on your leg... It must have impacted you a lot, right?"

OK, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to blame anyone, I understand it's merely an accident. I just feel like being honest with my own feeling. Acting like you don't give a damn about it when others ask, it ain't easy. But I guess for not, there is nothing I can do besides not giving a damn about what others might think/say, and wear short skirt as usual.



Mei Lee is hot with her scarred leg...... Not.

A new life

Today, I took the first step.


Wore the usual mask, greeted everyone in the room.


Left my mask outside the room, and cried out loud.


New resolution.


New desire.


Peace of mind.


No worries, leave everything to Him.


A first step to a long journey.


I will continue.

don't ask me why...

Home Alone- Christmas Special

It has been such a long time since I've last celebrated Christmas... alone.
I think it has been at least 6 years.
To be more exact, I did not celebrate Christmas at all this year.
Somehow, the feeling is quite different, in the sense that I'm able to avoid the Christmas crowd, paying extra for some not delicious meal, making reservation in advance etc.

Fine, I'm in denial. It's miserable going through Christmas this way.

But I guess, it's a pretty good test for me. At least I managed to do some laundry, manja with mummy, watch some Christmas special TV show. Hahaha...

Made all the arrangements before Christmas- hang out with the girls, BBQ, Christmas musical. In the end, sigh...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! Just wanna complain a bit, since everyone is out and I'm home alone. Aih.

... because two is better than one.

Not-to-be-taken risk

This morning i woke up late- Service starts at 11am and I woke up at 10.15am.

Seems like I will have sufficient time to prepare, huh? With the Sunday traffic...

I didn't know what to wear... Bad hair day... Stomach ache... (ops...)

So I went out at 11am.

On a usual Sunday, it takes about 20 minutes to reach church, despite my tortoise driving skill.

But... this morning someone buat pandai, took another road instead of the usual one she uses, and took ONE wrong turning, and that's it... I reached church at 11.45am...



This just proves one point-






I should remain a risk-averse person. Period.

Time for Miracles

It's late at night and I can't sleep, missing you just runs too deep...
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile.

Every kiss I can't forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet,
Oh God I wish I could make you see...

Cuz I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing can stop me from trying...

Baby you know that,
Maybe it's time for miracles, cause I ain't giving up on love.

You know that, maybe it's time for miracles,
Cause I ain't giving up on love- No I ain't giving up on us...

I just wanna be with you cause living is so hard to do,
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes.
The future I cannot forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet,
Oh God I wish I could make you see...
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing can stop me from trying.

Baby you know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love...
You know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love... No I ain't giving up on us.

Baby can you feel it?
You know I can hear it,
So can you feel me feel you?
You know it's time....

Baby you know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love.
You know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love.
You know I ain't giving up on us,

You know I ain't giving up on... Oh I ain't giving up on us...




I'm not giving up on us.

The transition...

It's amazing how a few words can motivate you... merely a few words. I first felt motivated about my current job when my potential direct superior (now my direct superior) told me, "You've got a positive attitude, and I would like to arrange a second interview with you". A sentence which I will never forget, and believe it or not, motivated me for (at least) 4 months.

The first month after I got my job, she sets very high expectation and convinced me that I can do it. Oh yea I did felt pressured, but her motivation kept me going. To cut the story short, she kept motivating and helped me along the way, to achieve something in my career (to be more precise, the beginning of my career). I really thought I'd be pressured giler, but with the motivation and surrounded by very positive colleagues, I felt so blessed and thank Him for this.

Why am I sharing this random story? I'm just feeling thankful and blessed as I was never the favourite girl- I wasn't the teacher's pet, I wasn't a student whom a male teacher would have a crush on (:p), I always had to deal with tough/strict superior (even during internship), and I was always jealous with those who have very loving/penyayang superior. I never had a comfortable life back then- but everything made me a stronger person. I believe and is still believing that everything happens for a reason, and God has made His plan for all of us. I will stay strong (even after getting scolded teruk-ly by an Indian lady), and I shall prove that Chin Mei Lee has the potential to achieve something in life. Yes, I can.

Panic-nya aku

2 months back I was required to accomplish a task.

Due to time constraint, I completed the task using short cut/dirty trick/curi tulang trick.

This month, I have to continue from what I have done in that particular task.

As expected, I probably have to re-do everything because of my irresponsible attitude.




I should really start fixing this problem. Aih.

For 4 months

... I've gone MIA. All of the sudden I don't know how to write anymore. But many things are going through my mind lately. Don't even know which one to start with.

Done something silly with someone today. Think "someone" would know what I'm talking about. It was an unforgettable and yet hillarious experience which I think I will never forget. THANKS! :)

Have been mentally exhausted lately, trying to figure out what I have done wrong. I realised I got tired of having to take the initiative to apologise and to find out what the problem is. At the end of the day, it wouldn't last and even if it does, it won't be the same anymore. Despite how much I appreciated (and still appreciate) the friendship, my only hope is to obtain honesty and sincerity. I never stopped hoping and waiting for someone to answer my unanswered questions- I guess I'm beginning to give up. A friendship is extremely fragile, that's all I can say...

I've been doing many things which are not supposed to be done... Sometimes it's weird knowing what you are doing at that very moment is wrong, and will definitely hurt one party, and yet you still do it. It's like sin to the power of two. Should you listen to your heart, or your mind? If you listen to your mind, you'll be stuck in your current situation forever; and you listen to your heart, the consequences might be unbearable. I constantly remind myself to do the right thing, and yet it seems like the most difficult thing in the world to do. I hate myself for being so irrational and inconsiderate, I really do. I'm stuck here, with no where to go, no sense of direction, and hurting others... and probably myself in the end.