don't ask me why...

Home Alone- Christmas Special

It has been such a long time since I've last celebrated Christmas... alone.
I think it has been at least 6 years.
To be more exact, I did not celebrate Christmas at all this year.
Somehow, the feeling is quite different, in the sense that I'm able to avoid the Christmas crowd, paying extra for some not delicious meal, making reservation in advance etc.

Fine, I'm in denial. It's miserable going through Christmas this way.

But I guess, it's a pretty good test for me. At least I managed to do some laundry, manja with mummy, watch some Christmas special TV show. Hahaha...

Made all the arrangements before Christmas- hang out with the girls, BBQ, Christmas musical. In the end, sigh...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! Just wanna complain a bit, since everyone is out and I'm home alone. Aih.

... because two is better than one.

Not-to-be-taken risk

This morning i woke up late- Service starts at 11am and I woke up at 10.15am.

Seems like I will have sufficient time to prepare, huh? With the Sunday traffic...

I didn't know what to wear... Bad hair day... Stomach ache... (ops...)

So I went out at 11am.

On a usual Sunday, it takes about 20 minutes to reach church, despite my tortoise driving skill.

But... this morning someone buat pandai, took another road instead of the usual one she uses, and took ONE wrong turning, and that's it... I reached church at 11.45am...



This just proves one point-






I should remain a risk-averse person. Period.

Time for Miracles

It's late at night and I can't sleep, missing you just runs too deep...
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile.

Every kiss I can't forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet,
Oh God I wish I could make you see...

Cuz I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing can stop me from trying...

Baby you know that,
Maybe it's time for miracles, cause I ain't giving up on love.

You know that, maybe it's time for miracles,
Cause I ain't giving up on love- No I ain't giving up on us...

I just wanna be with you cause living is so hard to do,
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes.
The future I cannot forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet,
Oh God I wish I could make you see...
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing can stop me from trying.

Baby you know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love...
You know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love... No I ain't giving up on us.

Baby can you feel it?
You know I can hear it,
So can you feel me feel you?
You know it's time....

Baby you know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love.
You know that maybe it's time for miracles,
Cuz I ain't giving up on love.
You know I ain't giving up on us,

You know I ain't giving up on... Oh I ain't giving up on us...




I'm not giving up on us.

The transition...

It's amazing how a few words can motivate you... merely a few words. I first felt motivated about my current job when my potential direct superior (now my direct superior) told me, "You've got a positive attitude, and I would like to arrange a second interview with you". A sentence which I will never forget, and believe it or not, motivated me for (at least) 4 months.

The first month after I got my job, she sets very high expectation and convinced me that I can do it. Oh yea I did felt pressured, but her motivation kept me going. To cut the story short, she kept motivating and helped me along the way, to achieve something in my career (to be more precise, the beginning of my career). I really thought I'd be pressured giler, but with the motivation and surrounded by very positive colleagues, I felt so blessed and thank Him for this.

Why am I sharing this random story? I'm just feeling thankful and blessed as I was never the favourite girl- I wasn't the teacher's pet, I wasn't a student whom a male teacher would have a crush on (:p), I always had to deal with tough/strict superior (even during internship), and I was always jealous with those who have very loving/penyayang superior. I never had a comfortable life back then- but everything made me a stronger person. I believe and is still believing that everything happens for a reason, and God has made His plan for all of us. I will stay strong (even after getting scolded teruk-ly by an Indian lady), and I shall prove that Chin Mei Lee has the potential to achieve something in life. Yes, I can.

Panic-nya aku

2 months back I was required to accomplish a task.

Due to time constraint, I completed the task using short cut/dirty trick/curi tulang trick.

This month, I have to continue from what I have done in that particular task.

As expected, I probably have to re-do everything because of my irresponsible attitude.




I should really start fixing this problem. Aih.

For 4 months

... I've gone MIA. All of the sudden I don't know how to write anymore. But many things are going through my mind lately. Don't even know which one to start with.

Done something silly with someone today. Think "someone" would know what I'm talking about. It was an unforgettable and yet hillarious experience which I think I will never forget. THANKS! :)

Have been mentally exhausted lately, trying to figure out what I have done wrong. I realised I got tired of having to take the initiative to apologise and to find out what the problem is. At the end of the day, it wouldn't last and even if it does, it won't be the same anymore. Despite how much I appreciated (and still appreciate) the friendship, my only hope is to obtain honesty and sincerity. I never stopped hoping and waiting for someone to answer my unanswered questions- I guess I'm beginning to give up. A friendship is extremely fragile, that's all I can say...

I've been doing many things which are not supposed to be done... Sometimes it's weird knowing what you are doing at that very moment is wrong, and will definitely hurt one party, and yet you still do it. It's like sin to the power of two. Should you listen to your heart, or your mind? If you listen to your mind, you'll be stuck in your current situation forever; and you listen to your heart, the consequences might be unbearable. I constantly remind myself to do the right thing, and yet it seems like the most difficult thing in the world to do. I hate myself for being so irrational and inconsiderate, I really do. I'm stuck here, with no where to go, no sense of direction, and hurting others... and probably myself in the end.

I can proudly announce that

I hate people who is fucking busybody.

seriously

what is the point of being friends now, knowing that there is a possibility of not talking to each other one day?

what is the point of caring about your family so much when they are not doing the same?

what is the point of trying so hard to drive carefully, and still could not avoid accidents?

what is the point of trying to lie to your relatives about whether you are going travelling or not?

what is the point of waiting when there are so much pain, patience and tears involved?

what is the point of trying to be nice to everyone when they don't appreciate what you're doing?

what is the point of trying your best in everything you do, but still don't managed to achieve what you want?

what's the point?
tell me, what is the point?




it's just pointless.

"graveyard" day

Going to the workshop to visit WaQoaL feels like going to the graveyard.
I felt like crying, felt like touching it and wanted it to come back so badly.

Almost wanted to buy flowers and buah-buahan.

Waaaaa...~

Wa ai WaQoaL. Bu yao li kai wo.

chinmeilee is taking up a 4-day part-time job next week. she's happy. she feels so productive (finally). =D

she's also going cameron with the girls. happiness increased.

=D

Crazy weather

The weather is crazy.

The workshop fella (a.k.a. Mr TL) is also crazy.

I'm in a terrible mood today.
I don't like browsing through Jobstreet everyday.
I don't like having headache due to the horrible weather.
I dislike the feeling of wanting to travel to get rid of this hot weather, knowing that i have (budget) constraints.
I dislike having to browse through boring websites in order to know what to answer during interviews.
I hate looking for transport to go for interview.
I dislike thinking of what to wear for interview.
I dislike having to call Mr TL everyday to find out how my WaQoaL is doing.
I don't like thinking of where and who I will be in 3 months time.



and I hate spending my last holiday alone.

Finale

Today is Monday, 4th May 2009.

Hahahahahahah!

Which is also the last day I'll be blogging using a "student" status, talking about how boring exam is, how lazy I feel and all the nonsense. Last paper tomorrow- International Finance. And my revision progress is only about 40%- which means I'm supposed to be crying in front of my table/studying really hard.

But COME ON!! It's the last paper and I don't have the mood to study at all. Kept thinking about what to do after the paper, where to go etc etc...

Gosh, suddenly very takut already. My future depends on this paper. (hyperbole)

Dear Hot

You said you needed some entertainment during work?

A-ha, these are specially for you! :)

EntertainED ? =D

Internet banking and I

OK, some of you might think that I am such a 'jakun'.

I just have to admit that I was not 'financially educated', i.e. do not know anything about financial planning etc!

Just learnt about internet banking and stuff like that in... erm, November 2008?

Despite what people might have said about the convenience of internet banking etc...

I just have to say that it causes my account balance to decrease to a state where... argh, just like Gaza.

don't understand?
don't ask meeee! :p

Have you every felt that you're already at the lowest point of your life, although you've just turned 22? Having the feeling that you're capable in doing nothing, you've got no brain, no beauty, no boobs, no bum... Feeling emotional and depressed all the time, PMS-ing 24/7 (P= both Pre and Post, maybe D also- During) Knowing that you need to seek treatment from a psychiatrist, getting all the "Anti-Depression" pills, feeling like staying away from everyone... It's quite easy to feel this way, especially if your life revolves around the same thing, i.e. study, work, study and work... You won't even feel like meeting your friends cause you'll be so embarassed of yourself, knowing that comes out from your mouth does not make sense 'cause you have no brain, don't want to buy new clothes 'cause you know you won't look nice in it, not having the courage to try new things cause you're too afraid to fail again... It's easy to tell others to stay positive, but when it comes to yourself it's totally a different story. Especially with the economic downturn, and you're graduating soon knowing that there'll be a contribution to the percentage of unemployed graduates......

Random...

SIGH...



It has been such a long time. I've abandoned my boring blog because my life is too boring to be "blogged". HAHHAHAHAHAHa... *lame*



IT'S NEW SEMESTER ALREADY!!! - which is my final semester (if no retake of courses is required). Feeling a little funny- lazy, excited etc etc. I guess no one will read this post anyway, since this blog have been abandoned for quite some time. So let me just crap something here, hee hee!



Ask me about my holiday?
Hmmmm...
This is a holiday with the most ups and downs. I think I kinda lost something very important during the holidays, to be more specific, towards the end of my holiday. Well, my mistake again. I'm not doing anything about it, just don't have the courage. Hmmm... Better not elaborate more on this issue.

Not feeling well today- Sorethroat, cough, flu etc... So far lectures have not been interesting this semester, have not met any good lecturers, stupid UM system driving me crazy, blur admin staff driving me nuts too...

Guess I will not be updating this very often too. Oh, let me wish these people:

GAN LI !!! GGL for internship!
MKP !!! Add oil for finals!
CML !!! Start shopping for CNY already! Haa Haa !!


That's all for now. Take care everyone. :)