lost..... and still lost

this morning, chin mei lee went for a workshop called Take Charge!, which is supposed to prepare us before doing our internship.

in one of the modules, all of us were required to fill up these 4 components :

1. myself
2. my family
3. my university
4. my career

to write down precisely what we want in these 4 important aspects of our life.

motivational talks never work for Ms. Chin, but this one kept me thinking almost the whole day...

i took quite some time to think of what I really want in life, and I've failed tremendously.

hoping that it's not too late to realise, I actually have no idea of what I want, AT ALL.

just wondering whether it's normal to forget what you've always wanted when you were in primary school. remember the yellow card where we're supposed to write down our ambitions? I remember writing Teacher (which is totally impossible now), Businesswoman and Lawyer (I choose to drop this too-ambitious ambition).

sometimes I truly hope I will have those determination to succeed in life, back to me again. I realised that I don't really wanna get married... too soon *wink* But it's like I've lost my direction, just doing my degree without knowing what I really want. the feeling is torturing me, so much. some might say "aiya, it's normal wan la, at this stage of life you're still unsure what you want".

But I don't want to continue being lost. I don't want to be distracted, but I don't deny the fact that I do get distracted very easily and therefore, will tend to forget what I want... always. I want to be back on track, I don't want to regret after graduation.

oh mei lee, stop complaining...

anyway, some of you might have watched this. just want to share. left me in tears today :(

Kiss- Because I'm A Girl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jgnkud7oXhA

if you're reading this, start thinking of what you want, and take action. don't be like me. sigh sigh... (told ya, the talk really worked on me...)

facts about me

sometimes...

when I talk non-stop, it doesn't mean I'm a person who don't take things seriously.

when I don't study in front of you, it doesn't mean I don't study for the exam @ I often don't do my work.

just because I am always laughing and smiling, it doesn't mean I don't have temper, and most importantly, feeling. I am a normal human, too.

when I always make stupid-and-not funny joke, and laugh at myself, it doesn't mean that I am a happy-go-lucky person and therefore, don't have things to worry about. I might have more of it than you.

when my eyes are watery, it's not the dust or I'm sleepy - I am crying.

when I care about you and treat you nicely, I don't expect the same from you. at least just show to me that you know I'm doing something.

and when I didn't do something that you expect from me, I'm sorry, I have my own reasons.

when I'm quiet and stopped talking, don't make fun of me. My mind is thinking about some other things.

my first time......

i had my first time today...


the experience is... felt nervous, very hot, very very sweaty, but had lots of disappointment...


i don't like it, probably will give up and never do it anymore...









i walked all the way... under the hot burning sun just to hear a sentence

"Sorry, we don't entertain internships"

~_~ !!!

and it was through intercommmmmmmm or whatever thing you called it!!!

my first time gone, and i don't know whether i will have the courage to do the second time...

=(

disastrous post

i've created another disaster.

will let you people know soon.

=(

down to negative

today's not a good day for me.

mixture of feelings, beginning to feel the stress.. don't know who to turn to.

you know what i think is the worst thing one can experience?
some people get very depressed when they found out that somebody dislike them.
i used to have that kind of feeling, cried miserably for few nights back in Form 2, when i found out that one of my classmates dislike me. and after that i realised there's nothing to be depressed about, you can't please everyone, so just do whatever that makes you feel comfortable. but a normal person will feel depressed i guess, so i am actually normally distributed. *wink*

back to my point.
i think the worst thing that can happen to someone, is when they start to dislike herself.

if they don't love themselves for who they are, who will?


many told me i have changed.

changed for better or for worse, i don't know.

i know changes in a person are inevitable; but it becomes a self-conflict when i dislike the new me, and want to be back to the previous me. (although i think both are equally bad person)
and when all these happen, i feel unhappy all the time, and worse still, low self-esteem.
the thing is, i forced myself to turn back into the "old" one, when i am already a "new" person.


silly, huh?

shoes i wear to uni

on usual days...

but I'm feeling poor today...

MUAhhhHAHAHHAHAHhaa...~

you guys must be cursing me for such stupid post...

sorrie, just trying to keep myself awake, hehe! =)

the rich-and-poor theory

i have a theory to introduce.

but, no criticism will be accepted.

hehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhh....



you know why rich people will be rich forever, and poor people will be poor forever?
or let's put it this way; rich people will get richer and poor people will get poorer? (isn't it the same...)


Assumption : 1 rich person, 1 poor person.

Rich get to study in a good school/college/university.

Good school = Expensive = Most rich people will study there

therefore, Rich meets mooooooooooore rich peoplesssssssss in school.

Rich make friends with rich people.

Rich girl pak toh with Rich Boy.

Rich girl got married to Rich boy = another rich family.

After having children, the child is also rich. oh you Little Richie.

and the cycle goes on and on.

just replace the word "Rich" to "Poor", and you'll have another Poor story.

disagree?

can't deny the fact that if poor people work hard enough (and i mean extra hard compared to rich people) , poor can be rich too! :)

but how many people actually have that kind of high-level determination, perseverance etc etc?



hmmmmmmmmm...

don't blame me, okay?
just some silly thoughts which popped up during my horrible journey back home this evening.

the weather is terrible these few days..

feels like I'm falling sick (I hope)

an hour feels like a day now.

call me dependent but that is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

and it's always raining, especially when I'm feeling down.

maybe He knows what I'm going through and wants me to know that I'm not alone?

=)

accumulated posts

KONICHIWA... (editted after commented by monkey mei may)

just realised that I haven't been updating my blog for almost a week..

partly because I've been trying very hard to keep myself busy..

BUT

chinmeilee had a fun and eventful weekend. =)

FRIDAY and SATURDAY : Economics Faculty I-Week (interaction week for the freshies)

a tiring 2-days programme.. that's all i could say, no further comment -_-"

__________________________________________________________
SATURDAY NIGHT : celebrated gan li's birthday

note : look carefully. this picture is not taken accidentally where everyone "accidentally" closed their eyes. they did it ON PURPOSE. kononnya wanna match my eyes. and "gave" me a chance to be the only one with the eyes seen. hmph, but ying yie and shing didn't close their eyes. and even i did actually open my eyes, but it looked like i'm closing mine too =:::::::::(

oh, we went clubbing too *wink*

__________________________________________________________________

TUESDAY : oh-so-sad day

went to have lunch with shing and yuan lih in the afternoon. oh i love chicken rice! :)

that was the happy part. sad part was... boy going outstation for a few weeks :(


=(

ok, after blogging about this thing, no mood addy :(

will stop here.

heheheheh just kidding :)

need to get back to work. hope to update this soon!

p/s : i love Savvy, especially the black one *wink wink wink*

pre-post

i can't see anything.

*searching for toothpick, found one and break it into two*

yes, i can see now!

LAMEEEEEEEE, suit my blog's name.. kekekekkeke

sorry for the crap. i want to post something badly, because i had a tiring-but-WONderFUL weekend. i only had less than 10 hours sleep for the past 3 days :(

hopefully i will be able to post some pics.

oh no, so many things which are not done!

i need to sleep.

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ...

p/s: good news coming soon :)
and oh ya, please watch Simpsons The Movie, it's really funny! i wanna watch again!
fully recommended by Datin Chin Mei Lee. ***** <--- 5 star rating